I only need to loose approx 4 lbs to get back to the double digits. It’s been a year since i’m stuck in the 100’s. The urge to eat is stronger than ever now, maybe it’s because of stress and anxiety of being a senior. lots of shit is depending on me. If i don’t get my shit together, my mom wouldn’t be able to go back to Indonesia. All because her good for nothing daughter always fucks things up, even though she knows she’s better than that. I’m just a pathetic shit.
Plus, If I do go back to my county for the summer, i really need to get out of the 100’s and go to at least the 80’s. This wouldn’t be much of a problem if i’m not a lard fatty. Fuck, i can;t go back there looking like i am now; chubby. no, no,no, they’ll laugh and talk about it in 3rd person, even though i’m right there.
Ahhh too much. i don’t know what i’m doing now. this is getting out of control. i need stability, i need to get s grip. i need that power of self-restraint back. Ana must be jealous, so she took it away from me. (more likely is that, my brain was unable to sustain with my 290 cal a day rule.)